Fallen Angel

If I, born as human, can feel the weight of all the emotions gathered upon me like I'm carrying a mountain on my back then I don't understand how someone, who was not born with them and suddenly can feel, is able to handle them without choking to death. If I, that have ever felt them since the moment I entered this shattered world, cannot still pinpoint exactly what I'm feeling nor name the tuggings I feel, then those who know the name of none will surely end buried in ashes.

A turmoil of feelings, emotions. Everything tangled up. And at the same time void. Nothing at all. Emptiness.

I believe angels know every single emotion, every single feeling by heart and can understand them all. But angels don't feel. They're neutral creatures. They're not black nor white. Neither grey. If I feel like every single emotion is upon me and at the same time there's nothing inside the empty shell of soul I'm supposed to have, am I a angel? Am I a creature who ended up lost in a parallel universe where she was not supposed to be wandering? Or am I too full of myself for thinking of me higher than any other human who crosses his patch with mine? Are angels higher than humans? 'Cause if being lower or the same as a human means having a less crowded head where no complex thoughts and emotions exist then I don't want to be an angel.

Can you feel for the same thing/someone opposite feelings? Can you feel like hurt them and nurse them to health? Can you love them and hate them?

'I am the angel that never felt' because I know nothing of this world. I've felt nothing. Whatever it is that I think I'm feeling is a mere illusion. Cause someone who feels everything at the same time is someone who doesn't feel at all. No mistakes there. No numbness, no desire at all. Just instincts. And those barely make you survive. This is the only logic reason for me to still see the sun rise and set, to watch the light come after the darkness. Instincts are keeping me alive by a thin and scattered line. 'Cause if I could actually feel the pent up of emotions that populate my head I would have perished. Death.

[Every angel waits for his rise. For the spell to be broken. For the heart to feel like that of a humble human.]