Giddy

I usually write when I’m down and negative thoughts are flooding my mind.
I concentrate fully on the pain of the moment.
Forgetting that half an hour it’s not a day.

My last months have been a blurry dream.
I had a smile plastered on my face since dawn until dusk.
I can’t dismiss that or let it slide away inconspicuous.
And I can’t really put my finger on what’s having me on the border of happiness.
But I’m happy and not just content.
The sun has been shining on me.
It feels glorious to just let it soak my body with warmth. Splendorous.
I wish I could suck in just anyone into this vortex of smiles and laughter.

My heart is bursting ‘cause once again I regained control.
And I found out that I’m a new different person.
Confident. Boisterous. Self-assured. Happy. Powerful.
I’m not making progress in one of my dreams.
That doesn’t mean, though, that I haven’t others to fulfil.
I just lived one this past week,
And others are waiting down the corner.

I’ll keep my giddiness and the smile for as long as I can.
Scouts word!

Expectations

Expectations. Frustrations.
Isn’t it just the same?
If I have the time to just over think everything and built up in my head scenarios of how certain events are to be led I just put myself to disappointment.
And it hurts. Even though I knew from the beginning that it was impossible!
There’s always a strange hope in the bottom of my heart.
That makes me human, I guess.
Although, I never cease to admit that I don’t want to be it.

The night didn’t go as I had played in my head.
No resemblance whatsoever.
Him disappearing out in thin air in made no sense. No sense at all.
At least I had fun. Or I would have been devastated after creating so many expectations.
That night was supposed to be the launching of something, a turning point.
The ‘click’ was to happen.
But in my foolish hurry to feel I forgot that’s not something I can plan.
I’ll let the stream flow by itself now; or at least I’ll try.
Just not to end frustrated once again.