Good or Evil?

I hate this stupid feeling of not belonging, not fitting anywhere. Sometimes I wonder if I have not come from afar way from here. I don't understand the way people act it just confuses me so much. Humanity has taken a role in its hands that I can't fulfill. Perhaps I have non-human blood in my veins although I cannot see from where does it come nor I know how that is possible. I don't understand, really I'd love to and I really make an effort. How come that humans can always choose the wrong path for them? And who am I to talk about them like this? I am one of them, right? Then I guess I have to say we, isn't it? I start to wonder if we humans have the lightest trace of kindness and compassion. Are we really good? I have found my mind plagued with thoughts about this lately and there's a reason about that. This last years every time I turn the TV on I can only see pain, misery, death, war. What the hell happened to us? If we were making bets right now I would bet that the human race has nothing but evil within them. Right now I don't give a damn about us, about our stupid society. There's no hope for us. We will all die in the end by our hands I don't doubt that. Normally I would have a but, I would try and find that tiny little ray of hope that always flickers in the horizon but what its the point when even the ones you call friends, the ones you believe in no matter what, those who you stick with and stand up for anything leave you behind in an old memory that its good but always stays laid forgotten when it is needed? I hate to feel like this, so weak, so alone, so abandoned. Is it wrong for me to always believe in them? Is it wrong for me to stick so much to the past, to try and have them forever in my life? Perhaps I'm a dreamer, perhaps I can't see reality with the same eyes the others do. But reality for me its what I want it to be, it's my dreams, my hopes, my fears and I always see myself sharing this with my friends. Maybe I take the word friend beyond its meaning and if I keep doing this to myself I'll always get hurt. I should stop believing, hoping although I don't do it much anymore but perhaps I should have stopped long years ago when I was naive and pure. I'm afraid I get as corrupted as they are but is there a chance to escape? I think I've claimed my death sentence the day I chose to follow my mind and not my heart, the day I signed in for science, for progress and knowledge and not for words and imagination, for love and compassion.

Ladybird