I’m trapped in more ways than I could ever realise.
Worse than being trapped in walls is being trapped within yourself.
Someone else has been living my life and I’ve stayed back watching it the whole time.
Where have I been hiding the real me? What I’ve been doing with my happiness?
Is there even a way to rescue me now?
I’m so deep rooted in these fears and insecurities.
How am I holding myself together based on pretending?
How could I ever believe that this fake happiness, fake contentment was what I was looking for?
I’m becoming just like them all; another nameless face in the crowd.
Why have I been forgetting my dreams when I vowed to never really let them go?
It’s funny how everytime I’m under stress either physical or emotional I always remember the failure I am for not seeking what I actually want. Always telling myself that I’m just putting it all in hold and I will come back for it. Why am I fooling myself? I’m no better than the others who cross my path, and they all grew and forgot what they once saw as their happiness, as their dreams.
I can’t seem to forget mine, though.
I’m lucky, in a way. But knowing that I’m not doing anything to pursue it it’s like a stab; because they don’t know what they’re leaving behind, but I do, I always do.
I was getting used to this life, I was starting to believe in the web of fake happiness everyone else believes and thankfully I was awaked again. I don’t know for how long but at least it is gaining strengths to make another assault in the future.
It was so different back then. I had the time to read, to loose myself in the realms of fantasy, to dig and search for human knowledge. Not facts and science but people in its core. And now, now is always science. Chemistry, physics, biology, health…it all revolves around palpable things. Feelings, emotions, all left behind.
I lost a part of myself when I choose this course. I’m aware of it.
Believing never was as difficult as it is now. It’s rather painful actually.
It’s all I can do for now, though.
Worse than being trapped in walls is being trapped within yourself.
Someone else has been living my life and I’ve stayed back watching it the whole time.
Where have I been hiding the real me? What I’ve been doing with my happiness?
Is there even a way to rescue me now?
I’m so deep rooted in these fears and insecurities.
How am I holding myself together based on pretending?
How could I ever believe that this fake happiness, fake contentment was what I was looking for?
I’m becoming just like them all; another nameless face in the crowd.
Why have I been forgetting my dreams when I vowed to never really let them go?
It’s funny how everytime I’m under stress either physical or emotional I always remember the failure I am for not seeking what I actually want. Always telling myself that I’m just putting it all in hold and I will come back for it. Why am I fooling myself? I’m no better than the others who cross my path, and they all grew and forgot what they once saw as their happiness, as their dreams.
I can’t seem to forget mine, though.
I’m lucky, in a way. But knowing that I’m not doing anything to pursue it it’s like a stab; because they don’t know what they’re leaving behind, but I do, I always do.
I was getting used to this life, I was starting to believe in the web of fake happiness everyone else believes and thankfully I was awaked again. I don’t know for how long but at least it is gaining strengths to make another assault in the future.
It was so different back then. I had the time to read, to loose myself in the realms of fantasy, to dig and search for human knowledge. Not facts and science but people in its core. And now, now is always science. Chemistry, physics, biology, health…it all revolves around palpable things. Feelings, emotions, all left behind.
I lost a part of myself when I choose this course. I’m aware of it.
Believing never was as difficult as it is now. It’s rather painful actually.
It’s all I can do for now, though.
So lets hope and pray although my faith is lost in a childhood led by dreams.
2 comments:
Tenho vindo a descobrir aos pouquinhos que há alguém q me é mt próximo (uma proximidade de sangue) tem os mesmos gostos q eu... Temos tanto em comum, mal tu sabes... Já li alguns posts do teu blogue e entendo como se fosse eu mesma a escrever... A vida troca-nos as voltas todas! Mas acredita, tudo acontece por um motivo e nunca é demasiado tarde para se ser aquilo que realmente se quer! É o meu lema... Basta acreditar! ;)
Olá, em português...
ter sonhos é bom, ambições, metas, mas isso é virtual, existe dentro de cada um e nunca na realidade. Ninguém tira os sonhos para a realidade, mas todos os têm. Mesmo quando não parece. Até um pai de familia com 50 anos, cansado, esgotado, desenganado, sonha. Mas não o mostra.
Isso é próprio de ser humano. Sonhar, traçar na mente o caminho para a felicidade. Para o que achamos que seria a felicidade, porque essa depende não só do sonho como ele é mas da realidade circundante, e essa não a estabelecemos, é-nos estabelecida.
Aceitar isso é crescer, amadurecer.
Mas tentar viver os sonhos, correndo riscos, é o que leva as pessoas longe, e o que distingue os que triunfam dos outros...
Tens uma idade maravilhosa em que ainda podes sonhar com tudo e fazer tudo. Mas depende de ti e da realidade que te circunda.
Beijos,
Fernando
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